In Jest April
by Kaeru Shisho
Summary: Xelloss and Lina have an April Fools Day adventure. A short story which follows the In Clover, March story, but can be read standalone.


**In Jest April**

_An April Fool's Day Story_

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If you are reading these 'In...' stories in chronological order, this story follows 'In March, Clover', but may be read as a standalone short story

* * *

Hazy sunlight filtered down through the centuries-old dust which was rising on the warm updrafts. Lina closed the book she had been scanning with a muffled thump, and took another off the top of her pile.

"Nothing interesting?"

Lina followed the voice to its source. She let her eyes trail over Xelloss' handsome features, treating herself to a short break. "No, so far nothing new."

"I'm afraid that you are searching for the impossible. Even Zelgadiss finally acknowledged that there was no cure for _his _condition to be found and gave up. He is now a happy man."

"Well, I'm not, and never will be, a happy man," Lina pointed out. "There is a way to make you more human, and I will find it. Now crack those books and keep looking. We only have this weekend, and then the babysitter has to be relieved."

Lina didn't tell him that she really wanted to find a way to cut his bonds to his superior. He wasn't created to think that might be a good idea, but Lina knew that while his mistress could summon and command him at will his life was not his to live. His emotional makeup had been enriched by the few spells she had stumbled upon. He cared deeply for her and showed it, but he remained painfully detached from his three children. While they were still too young to notice his coldness, Lina was driven to help Xelloss develop apart from the demon hierarchy.

One piece of information which she was able to take from her Claire Bible investigations was that humans and demons were not that very different. Humans _had_ souls and demons _were_ souls, spiritual creatures of which only the most powerful could assume and hold human-like forms. The longer that Xelloss remained in her dimension in his human form, the more connected to it he became. The spells she had cast on him helped shield his natural repulsion to positive emotions, and allowed him to take pleasure in the 'joys of life.' Still, he had not bonded with his children, and that, Lina was sure, was do to his existing bonds with his mistress.

"Yes, dear," he sighed and returned to the book he had been examining. "But, I'd be a far happier man if we ditched the books and," he lowered his voice and leaned closer, "... hopped in the sack. Again."

She could feel his grin, but ignored it. "Sit down. Control your urges. Study, or we stay _here_ all night."

"Yes, dearest." Xelloss turned the page of the ancient tome, yawning.

His jaw snapped shut. Something new caught his eye: **History of April Fool's Day**. Apparently there had been a kingdom-wide reform of the calendar five hundred years in the past, which resulted in moving the New Year's Day from April 1to January 1. Communication traveled slowly in those days and some people were only informed of the change several years later. Still others, who were more rebellious refused to acknowledge the change and continued to celebrate on the last day of the former celebration, April 1. These people were labeled "fools" by the general populace, were subject to ridicule and sent on "fool errands," sent invitations to nonexistent parties and had other practical jokes played upon them.

The practice was still in effect, and tomorrow was April 1.

"Lina loves sharing in the festivities of other cultures," Xelloss said to himself. He closed the text, smiled, and looked over the table to admire his lady love.

After a moment, Lina looked up from her own reading and met his eyes. "Done already?"

"Yes. I found everything I needed for tonight. I have some...errands to run and then I should like to retire."

"_Retire? _What's with the dated words? You been reading old stuff? You mean _go to sleep? _Kinda early, don'tcha think? And, more importantly, what kind of errands do you have to run _now?_"

"Oh, I am afraid that I am a little too pressed for time to explain, my dear Lina." He pressed his lips to her gloved hand for the lightest of kisses, and then added, "So I'll just have to say that it's a secret."

He disappeared instantly.

"Idiot," she muttered under her breath.

Lina remained in the magic guild's library an hour longer, and then left in search of a good place to chow down. Once her stomach was filled, she had only her curiosity to contend with. _What had the demon found in that old book that so inspired him to action?_

Lina had, of course, picked up the text after he had left. A quick perusal of the table of contents and the index in the back offered up no suggestions at the time, and none had occurred to her since. _It was just a collection of anecdotes mixed with a history of the area._ She had already questioned the restaurant owner concerning any upcoming festivals– none. _Knowing Xelloss, it was something he would enjoy participating in...but what?_

Lina was forced to return to the library, locate the old tome, and start scanning it page by page. She hoped that she could concentrate better without hunger signals firing at her brain and distracting her. _He was in a rush, so that means that whatever the event is, it must be soon._

If that were true, then she could skip ahead a few hundred pagesto_ Valentine's Day_. _What a nice day that was! _Her face blossomed into a smile as she recalled the lovely celebration she and Xelloss had shared with their close friends. Then, just as quickly, blood rushed to her face when she remembered Zelgadiss' expression when he had entered their room. _Poor Zel._

Every year he had played the same joke, coming to their door and interrupting their lovemaking to remind them about dinner reservations. Every year he had told them the wrong time and made them hurry to dress and meet in the dining hall, only to discover that they were hours too early. Every year Zelgadiss had found the same joke to be hilariously funny, until this last time.

_Poor Zel. _This was the year that Xelloss had decided to turn the tables on his friend. It all began when Xelloss had left the door to the room ajar. He and Lina were soaking in the hot springs in their private patio when Zelgadiss knocked on the door.

"Trust me," Xelloss had whispered to Lina.

That had been her only warning. In the next second, he cast a spell and caused a bucket to materialize over her head. "Spill," he commanded.

Lina had not expected five gallons of ice-cold blood to rain down upon her head and stream down her body. "Aaaahhhh!' she screamed in acute discomfort and distress.

Zelgadiss sped through the bedroom and out onto the patio. Xelloss transported to a secure hiding spot. Lina stood up and screamed again.

_Yes, that expression was priceless. _Lina smiled slightly and shook her head. Zelgadiss would probably not pull the same prank again. Xelloss had had the best of times that day. He hadn't the experience or depth of emotions of a human, but he tried. He believed he could master romance, if only just to please her. He did so like to please her and surprise her and...

Her eyes focused on the page in front of her. It read: These people were labeled "fools" by the general populace, were subject to ridicule and sent on "fool errands," sent invitations to nonexistent parties and had other practical jokes played upon them. The practice was still in effect. "And tomorrow is April 1!" she gasped aloud. "That's it! It's the perfect day for Xelloss to go crazy. I'll bet he's setting up a doooozy of a practical joke to catch me up. Well, heh, heh, we will see about that, Mr. Trickster Priest."

Xelloss hurried his purchases at each of the vendors, apologizing for his pushiness, and moving on without pause. It was imperative that he be the first one to reach their shared room at the inn, and have time to make all the necessary preparations. "Now how did that anti-dragon-venom charm work?" he muttered nervously to himself, and transported into their room.

After consulting one or two spell books, he began whispering incantations and spreading magical barrier spells throughout the room. He cast hundreds of rare and little known spells as shields to any possible kind of magic that he believed Lina might know. When he had exhausted his knowledge and expertise, he stood in thought. "What have I missed?" he wondered momentarily, and then decided, "Nothing."

Satisfied that he had considered every possibility, Xelloss dashed back to the market bag he had carried in, and withdrew the contents, sorting them into little piles as he went. When the sack was emptied, he went about placing the items around the room to create an emotional atmosphere of well being.

He closed his eyes and drew a deep breath. "That will do," he smiled uneasily. "I hope I didn't overdo the incense."

And then he undressed, slipped beneath the bedcovers, and waited.

"Unlock," Lina whispered as she undid the spell securing the door to their room.

"Lighting." She sent the dimly glowing ball of light to float just above her head, then entered the room. "Xelloss?" she whispered.

He didn't stir in bed, but Lina could hear the soft in and out sounds of his breathing. _Okay, so I'd better watch myself. He could be pretending to sleep, and the place is littered with booby traps_.

Lina stepped cautiously to a small table by the window, where she noticed an empty bag from the marketplace. She set her package alongside the bag. _I wonder if the trick isn't in that. Probably a trap._

She reached for the window and tried to wrench it open with a grunt. _Damned thing's stuck._

However, she was not averse to a little force to get her way. She wove a little magic into her next thrust, and the wood splintered and glass shattered as a result. Lina tossed Xelloss' bag out the ragged window opening without a thought as to how light weight it was. _Bye, bye, whatever you were. _

_What next?_

She noticed that Xelloss had moved slightly in bed following her commotion. _Maybe he really was tired._

_This room reeks!_ Lina coughed shallowly and cast about for the source.

_Candles? Incense? What the hell's wrong with the guy? At least I got us some fresh air._

She drew a deep breath of cool night air by the broken window, and then set about snuffing out incense burners and scented candles. Before she put out the last flame, she stopped herself. She stared at the back of Xelloss' head warily. _What was he up to?_

An icy tingle crept up her spine. Her hair stood on end. The entire room was humming with magic. It was as if she trapped inside a web of interwoven spells so complex that if she made a wrong move, whatever that might be, she could only guess, she would become hopelessly entangled. _Rats!_

Trusting only her eyes to move, Lina was able to locate several new objects and yet not budge an inch. _He must have put them in here to get me to touch one and trigger...the whole trap. Well, that leaves me with very few choices as to what to do, doesn't it?_

Xelloss detected an increase in the Lina's heartbeat and a quickening of her breathing. "She's afraid?" he thought to himself. "What is she about to do that would make her feel afraid?"

His mind responded with several explicit pictures depicting him amid gore interspersed with a few images of him dancing through a field of daisies. "I knew that mixing scented candles with the incense would be overdoing things."

Lina's breaking of the window had given him reason to second guess his entire plan. He hadn't been expecting her to do that and hadn't barricaded it well enough. "What else did I overlook?" he wondered.

The barest hint of self-doubt crept into his thinking. "This could be dangerous."

His thoughts were confirmed as waves of Lina's mixed emotions washed over his mind. "Oh no!"

Xelloss flew out of bed, flinging himself upon Lina, throwing her to the floor, and knocking her breathless.

"UGH!" She gasped for a few minutes until her lungs were able to refill with air properly.

By that time she found that Xelloss had her pinned to the floor, arms apart, with his naked body straddling her above the hips. "Lemme go!" she ordered.

"Not just yet." His eyes were open and staring with concern into her angry little red coals-for-eyes. "Not until you confess that you were about to do...something, and tell me what you were planning to do to me."

"I damned well might..." She paused in her threat to throttle her husband, when a look of uncertainty passed over her face. "What's that? What_ I_ was going to do to _you? _What makes you think _I _was going to do _anything_ to you?" Her voice grew higher pitched with each question.

Xelloss smiled mirthlessly, "Oh, you were going to do _something_, of _that_ I can be sure. You were about to hit me with a Dragon Slave a minute ago, and don't try and deny it!"

"Well...sure...that..." she demurred a little. "But not _you_, the _room_. It was about to strangle me!"

"What was? The _room?_ Oh, no. Those were protection spells so that I would be alerted to any castings you might use to try and trick me."

"Me trick _you?_" Lina's face cleared. She was close to understanding what Xelloss was talking about. "You thought I was going to pull a prank...no... an **April Fool's joke **on _you?_"

Xelloss relaxed his grip on her arms and sat back, resting his weight on her thighs. "Well, yes. Weren't you? I mean, in the morning, tomorrow."

"No, but I sure as hell thought _you_ were, after I had to plow through that stupid book and figure out what you'd found and filled your stupid head with. I even bought you a gift to tempt you if my charms hadn't worked to change your mind."

"You, you bought me a gift?" He smiled now that Lina seemed to be quieting down.

"Well, yeah."

"I bought you one, too, for pretty much the same reason."

"Really?" Lina tried to look around but was reminded by the crick in her back and numbness in her legs that Xelloss was still sitting on her, undressed.

Lina moved her arm rapidly, and thrust her hand between his legs. She grasped his manhood and squeezed gently. "Where is it? My gift."

"Ah! Ah...out...the window, dearest."

"Out the window? It was in that bag?"

He nodded his assent. "Yes."

She thought back. "No, it was empty."

"It was a small item."

"Oh?"

"And costly."

Lina freed him. "Get off me and go get it, right now!"

He rose carefully and made a show of brushing himself off. "Like this?"

"Why not?" she dared him.

His eyebrows disappeared into his bangs. "Oh, my..."

He turned to the door, opened it and stepped out, closing it behind him. Lina hadn't expected him to actually do that. She skipped over to the window and looked out, but it was too dark to see anything. After a minute or two, the door to the room re-opened, and Xelloss entered. "Hello. Good news, I got it!"

"I didn't hear any screams. Didn't run into any inhabitants?"

"No, I teleported. I'm working on being respectable." He stood tall with his hands behind his back, but Lina thought he looked more sexy than respectable at that moment.

"So, do I get that now?"

The bag hidden behind his back rustled with his slight movement away from her. He shook his head slowly, insisting, "Yours first."

Lina smiled and began sliding off her tunic, "No, yours."

"Okay." He turned the bag over and shook out a fine gold chain. "It goes with bare skin well."

She let him put the chain around her neck, and then she shared her gift with him.

In the morning, they talked about the previous night. They had both been suspicious of one another; unwilling to completely trust what the other one might do.

"I should have known better," Xelloss admitted. "I'm sorry."

"Yeah, me too. I guess we're _both_ April fools needing to trust one another a little more."

"Ten years of marriage and you keep surprising me, my love," he murmured into her neck. He was hoping for a reprise of the lovemaking the night before.

"And you hardly surprise me at all," she chuckled. "Let's do it again."

"All of it? Everything?"

"Well, except for breaking the window. I'll leave out that part."

"Okay, but give me a few minutes to reset the spells."

"You do that. I'll have breakfast while I wait. Oh, yeah, and you can leave out the funky-smelling parts."

"No incense?"

"Please," she sighed.

"I had wondered most about those, but the sales lady said 'it was guaranteed to promote romance.'"

"Xelloss, I think you're pretty good at that part now, so forget it. I'll be back in a bit."

He smiled with satisfaction as she let the room. "She said I was pretty good. What a compliment!"

He swept the room clean of the remnants of the past spells and began anew. This time he'd get it just perfect. And, because it was April Fool's Day, he added a touch of whimsy here and there, just to see if Lina would notice.

He had just slipped under the bedcovers, when he heard Lina's footfalls outside the door. He stroked his length once, and turned it purple. "To match my eyes. She'll love it," he smiled, and then he lay still and waited.

The End, In Jest April


End file.
